Where Did Those Days go?

Where did those days go?

The days I whiled away without a care. When my mind was free from the miasma of doubt, not burdened by the worries of the unchangeable.

Where did they go? They vanished so suddenly. I never saw them leave, no chance to bid them stay. I want to find them, but I fear they have long since left my reach.

Those days I was happy. I didn’t have it all, but I didn’t need it. What I had was enough, what I wanted could wait. When those days left me, a hole was formed amidst my innermost feelings.

Why did they leave me? Things weren’t perfect, but seldom is anything. I never realised it before, but I needed them. Those days, I took for granted.

These days I am consumed by my worst parts. How can I spend time with those important to me while dread hangs from my shoulders? The rapture of recieving so rapidly replaced with rapaciousness. Lust clutches at my heart, its thirst never slaked. Anger boils beneath my skin, searching desperately for an out. All of it burns inside me. My soul writhes in agony, wreathed in the black flames of hedonism and fear.
Where did those days go? I want to find them again, to feel how I used to. I want to return to my naivety. When something new could keep me rapt for days, not minutes. When I could see the beauty in the world, not just the rotten and vile. When happiness was the norm, not an impossibility.

Where am I now? Was it perhaps me who moved? Did I leave those days behind in my journey through life? Who left who? Why can’t I know?

I want those days back. The days of gleeful play. The days of awe and mystery. The days I wasn’t alone.

I want those days back. The days when the words I spoke were not hollow. The days when my smile was not a thin veneer. The days when those closest to me actually mattered.

Where did those days go?

I wonder…

Did they ever really happen at all?

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